Anything and Everything

The Best Worst Movies Ever

To celebrate the release of James Franco’s The Disaster Artist, the biographical re-telling of the making of 2003’s The Room and the life of its director Tommy Wiseau (played by Franco). When The Room first premiered it was hotly dubbed as ‘the worst movie ever made’, with little regards for plot continuity, terrible acting, terrible screenwriting and some seriously questionable sex scenes. Needless to say the film went on to be a midnight screening cult hit, with audiences finding joy in Wiseau’s mixed up world.

With The Room in mind, and other tales of ‘so bad its good’, our Queen’s have divulged some of their Best Worst Movies Ever.

TROLL 2 (1990)

The 1990 classic, Troll 2, directed by Claudio Fragasso, has been hailed the best worst movie of all time. It’s beyond ridiculous wild plotlines patched together with warped incoherent dialogue result in some of the funniest scenes in cinematic history – seriously.

Following a young boy and his family on a vacation to the fictional town of Nilbog, Troll 2 offers up a unique viewing experience from a simple premise. Terrorised by evil vegetarian goblins determined to devour him and his family, Joshua (aided by visions from beyond the grave of his Grampa Seth), must fight to save his loved ones, in the stupidest ways possible.

Papier-mâché gore steals the show, which looks as hilarious as it sounds. Troll 2 is the comedy horror that exceeds all your expectations of what makes a film bad. The entire feature is carried through waves of bad acting, tied up by an insanely emotive performance by Michael Stephenson as Joshua.

Truly abysmal from the get-go, this B-Movie masterpiece leaves you free to enjoy what can only be described as a silly, sadistic approach to vegetarianism. Troll 2 is a definite must see for any film fan and a complete laugh with your friends. –KD

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

Freddy’s Revenge, is a standout in the ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ series, in that it makes zero sense as a sequel or as a stand-alone film. The slasher follows Jesse Walsh (Mark Patton), a character utterly unconnected to the first film, as he alone fends of a weakened Freddy Krueger. The title of the film bears no consequence on its plot, as it chooses to ignore the established rules of the Freddy universe, through focusing all of Freddy’s wrath on newbie Jesse, for no other reason than him living in the old Thompson house. The manifestation of Freddy also differs, as instead of invading Jesse’s dreams, he possesses his body, using him to enact ‘revenge,’ and induce the fear he needs to be revived.

The film is undoubtedly the black sheep of Freddy family, but that isn’t to say it is without merit, it holds a special place in my heart, both for its gender bending protagonist and strong homoerotic subtext. Wes Craven movies have always bordered on the ridiculous, but this in this case, he takes the camp and really runs with it. Mark Patton is one of the few male final girls, and damn if he doesn’t scream with the best of them. His performance offers a fun, if not absurd, twist on the heteronormative gender dynamics of most slasher films. The story of Freddy’s Revenge is best interpreted as Jesse’s struggle with his identity, a theory strongly denied by production, but supported in the fact that movie features a naked towel whipping session, an all-male leather bar and a painfully awkward attempt at a heteronormative relationship.  If you’re looking for an entertaining, questionable, slasher this one’s a dream. Freddy’s Revenge is riddled with bad gore, ham reactions and encompasses a fantastic dance scene to Touch Me by Wish, that makes the whole thing more than worthwhile. –AF

Sharknado (2013)

A more recent addition to the bad movie canon, Sharknado stormed (pun absolutely fucking intended) onto Syfy in 2013 and instantly became a cult hit. It centres around Fin (another pun!! unreal!), a surfing bar-owner and his group of pals and customers who get caught up in a shark-filled tornado that causes chaos on the coastline, destroying buildings and flooding the area rapidly with shark infested waters. Fin is on a mission to rescue his ex-wife and daughter from their home and then get everyone out of town. Its a very simple and heroic premise and doesn’t take much explaining which allows you to fully revel in its terrible glory; and don’t even think about questioning the logistics of great white sharks being hoisted up into the air, the tagline tells you to take their word for it- ‘Sharknado. ‘Enough Said’.

From the massive sharks that can apparently be contained in 1.5 metre deep water in a small house, to the untouched background scenery that the budget didn’t reach to, to the car that clearly isn’t driving anywhere to the kick-ass hilarious finale where Fin dives head first into a shark and chainsaws his way out to victory, Sharknado never takes its self seriously. Its brilliantly fun and super trashy and spawning 4 sequels that has Fin nab himself a book deal, get the Presidential Medal of Freedom and head into outer space. Absolutely phenomenal. –CL

 

Showgirls (1995)

Showgirls is a classic when it comes to terrible movies we all love (heck, it inspired a parody musical). This Paul Verhoeven vehicle was a chance for small screen Jessie Spano (Elizabeth Berkley) from Saved By the Bell to go lady balls out in her transition to the big screen as Nomi Malone. Nomi’s just a small town girl from “different places back east” looking to make it big as a dancer in Las Vegas. It’s a tale as old as time, and one that’s completely relatable (admit it, you thought it was pronounced “Ver-sayce” too). Co-starring Agent Cooper…err Kyle McLaughlin as a dreamy, but scummy producer whose favorite aphrodisiac is a rising star, Gina Gershon as the established (read: old) showgirl who becomes vindictive when she senses a new rival. But Nomi Malone is a consummate survivor. In fact, I have a twisted desire to put Nomi Malone and Cersi Lannister alone in a room together and watch the ensuing carnage on CC TV. Does that make me a sociopath?

It’s the overblown acting and gratuitous nudity are just a few things that won it an astounding seven Golden Raspberry’s, including Worst Picture and Worst Director. Showgirls teaches us important life lessons. For example, we must watch our backs because show business chews you up and spits you out, no one gets out alive, and all those other clichés about how cutthroat the entertainment industry is. In the end, it is a bad movie lover’s treasure trove; rife with memorable quotes and flashy dance scenes. Take my advice; watch this movie and you too will know the morbid fascination that is the infamous pool scene. All hail Nomi Malone, Goddess. –AB

Titanic: The Legend Goes On (2000)

Mid-way through Titanic: The Legend Goes On, a family friendly re-imagining of one of the most harrowing maritime disasters, a young Yiddish mouse named Maxie is saved by a dog from the clutches of a mischievous cat and Chihuahua. “If it hadn’t been for you, I would be now in someone else’s digestion,” Maxie graciously thanks him. Immediately and without warning, the dog busts into a rap—yes, a RAP—“You know there’s something you should know, Don’t sweat it, enjoy the show.” Costumed in a backwards cap and basketball clothes while holding a boombox, he busts his rhyme against the background of a 1980s-style concrete wall covered in graffiti with a mice trio mariachi band as his accompaniment (there’s no mariachi music, only hip-hip drum loops). Quick reminder: The Titanic sank in 1912. If this sounds too absurd to be true, it’s not. This Italian animation cobbles together the plot of Cinderella with the animal whimsy of 101 Dalmatians and, yes, James Cameron’s Titanic. This time it is the girl, Angelica, who is poor and falls for a first class passenger named William, against the wishes of her wicked stepmother and two stepsisters. The rap “It’s Party Time” isn’t the only musical number—there’s a ballad “Holding Me” that (tries to) blow “My Heart Will Go On” out of the water. The dialogue is clunky (translation problems), and the animation even chunkier—but therein lies the fun! A Disney rip-off about Titanic that features a RAPPING DOG is absolutely one of the best worst movies of all time. –CM

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