Artwork by Tyler Dziubinski
If there is one thing I love in my life, it’s movies. I mean, obviously. And if there is one thing I have a love/hate relationship with, it is alcohol. By this I mean, I love it at the time and hate myself the next day for drinking. So it only seems natural to combine the two into a fun activity that can be performed with friends!
Because I am such a selfless person, I’ve spent the past month watching films, Googling drinking games, and utterly destroying my liver testing these games to compile a list of my favorite rules for five female-centric movie drinking games! The list is in no specific order, although I don’t recommend a few of these for light-weights. So, without further ado, enjoy!
1.) Showgirls (1995, NC-17)
Why?: I might be biased because this IS my favorite movie of all, but c’mon… It won seven Razzies at the 1995 awards, including Worst Picture and Worst Actress. Then in 2000, it won the coveted Worst Movie of the Last Decade Razzie! And if that hasn’t convinced you yet, it has an average score of 16 on MetaCritic. Clearly, the only way you would want to watch this movie is three sheets to the wind.
What?: In a nutshell, this movie follows drifter Nomi as she pursues her dream of topless dancing in Vegas. That’s it.
How?: While you could create a million, you really only need 4 or 5 rules. Any more and you guarantee yourself a trip to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.
Rule 1: By far the most important rule, take a drink for every two nipples you see on screen at any given moment. Remember, this is a movie about topless dancing. A casual scene of dialogue will definitely be done sans bra and include at least 3 sips of your sizzurp.
Rule 2: Drink every time you see Nomi’s (played by Elizabeth Berkley) abnormally short buttcrack. I know… This is a head-scratcher. What constitutes a short butt crack? You’ll know it when you see it.
Rule 3: Drink for every character’s overreaction. For every screamed expletive when a simply shrug could have handled the situation, take a drink.
Rule 4: Whenever you hear an Andrew Carver reference, take a drink. We never truly find out who he is, but by the end of the movie, you’ll be too drunk to care.
Rule 5: Every time there is ‘Strange Female Bonding’, take a drink. If Nomi is making out with another chick in the hospital, drink. If a stripper is giving a guy a lap dance while making eye contact with another girl, drink. You get the picture.
*BONUS RULE* Whenever something in the movie makes you cringe, take a drink. Maybe it’ll be Nomi’s nail art, or her pronunciation of Versace. If you think you can handle it, take a drink for every groany, eye-rolling inducing moment.
Final Verdict?: This is the Olympics of movie drinking games. I’m proud to say I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched and played this game. I’m ashamed to say I’ve never been able to finish it. Whether there’s no room in my stomach, or I black out, something always stops me from getting the gold.
2.) Nightmare on Elm Street (1984, R)
Why?: Okay, I’m going to assume that unlike me, you’re playing these games with friends and it’s NOT the middle of the day. Therefore, a horror movie is ALWAYS appropriate for a slumber party. Plus, main character Nancy (played by Heather Langenkamp) is not a complete idiot, which is so refreshing in the horror genre.
What?: Nancy Thompson and her friends (including baby Johnny Depp who is a total BABE) are pursued by a sinister force in their dreams.
How?: This movie is a bit more serious than Showgirls and you won’t be drinking nearly as often, so feel free to double that vodka cranberry!
Rule 1: A horror movie staple, drink every time you see someone run with poor form. Flailing like an octopus while you run barefoot down an alley way littered with broken glass probably won’t save your life. Sorry.
Rule 2: Take a drink every time Freddy’s claw hand makes contact with something. Whether it’s a poor teen’s internal organs or a brick wall. When he fingers something, drink up.
Rule 3: Drink for every instance of “dream magic”. Dream magic is when something happens that you think was a dream, but it actually wasn’t. Like waking up and finding out your shirt really WAS shredded by Freddy. Or it can be the opposite. You think you’re awake, but you’re actually asleep and dreaming. This happens often in the movie.
Rule 4: This movie takes place during the 80’s in the white suburbs. Drink for every sweater vest.
Rule 5: Such a cliché, but take a drink every time someone says ‘nightmare’. The word appears in the title, so this will probably be the most common rule.
*BONUS RULE* Waterfall your drink (for those unfamiliar with the lingo, this means you chug for the entirety of the occurrence) during the blood waterfall.
Final Verdict?: Definitely a good game to get a buzz going to. After finishing, I suggest busting out the ouija board and holding a seance. Guaranteed results. Just not sure what kind.
3.) Mean Girls (2004, PG-13)
Why?: This movie is the Citizen Kane of Generation Y. Okay, that might be a stretch, but it’s definitely iconic. With millions of quotable lines, Mean Girls is what many people consider to be the first “meme”able film. Not to mention, I’ve never met a single person who dislikes it.
What?: Do I really need to summarize it? Cady Heron (played by Lindsay Lohan) moves from Africa to a high school in the Chicago suburbs and learns very quickly that not much separates teenagers from wild animals.
How?: I would say you should drink every time you’re enjoying yourself, but it’s Mean Girls… When are you NOT enjoying yourself?
Rule 1: Every time someone says Regina’s name, take a drink. You’ll almost be drinking as much as with the nipple rule in Showgirls.
Rule 2: Whenever someone tries to make fetch happen, take a drink. Sometimes, I really can’t help but feel bad for Gretchen Weiners. She just wants to be the trend setter for once.
Rule 3: As we know, Cady comes from Africa. Therefore she knows nothing about the “real” world. Whenever Cady receives a bit of education (friends don’t date friends’ exes, The Rules, sex-ed), it’s time to educate your body about the effects of booze.
Rule 4: Mean Girls is filled with AMAZING insults! Drink for all your faves, you scum sucking road whore!
Rule 5: Every time someone tries to ruin someone else’s life, take a drink! If the backstabbing fails, like making someone’s face smell like peppermint, take a second drink!
*BONUS RULE* The unsung hero of this film, drink every time Principal Duvall (played flawlessly by Tim Meadows) manages to steal the scenes he’s in. Like talking about his nephew Afroney, or when he lets you know that he did NOT leave the Southside for this.
Final Verdict?: A classic movie and the drinking game is pretty great too! Just don’t pull a Cady Heron and “word vomit… no, wait a minute… actual vomit” all over your crush.
4.) Clueless (1995, PG-13)
Why?: Some people claim Clueless is the Mean Girls of the 90’s. Personally, I disagree with that (Jawbreaker is MUCH more Mean Girls than Clueless is). But that doesn’t stop the movie from being fun, feel-good, and worthy of some laughs. Plus, I love to show this movie to all my dude bro friends who think Paul Rudd only does “dude comedies”.
What?: Cher Horowitz (played by Alicia Silverstone), is like, totally a good person and not shallow at all. Join her as she makesover the less fortunate and donates to charity to prove it! Also, she falls in love with her step-brother.
How?: This movie is a period piece, recalling fashion trends and slang lost. Most of the rules will be focused on these topics. I also recommend a totally 90’s drink, like Zima.
Rule 1: In the 90’s, the stylish elite wore hats like it was nobody’s business. For every piece of headgear, take a drink. This rule doesn’t just apply to main characters. If you see a bitchin’ bucket cap on an extra, take a drink. Now, this DOESN’T include snapbacks/ballcaps, but if you want to drink for those too, I won’t stop you.
Rule 2: Drink for every mini-skirt/short-shorts and thigh-high combo you see. The lesson we can learn from this is that during the 90’s, the more money you had, the less fabric you wore.
Rule 3: Probably the most important phrases in the 90’s lexicon are “whatever” and “As if!”. Nothing in the 90’s could capture human expression as efficiently as these two phrases. For every “whatever” and “as if” heard, take a drink.
Rule 4: Not many people know this, but Clueless faced a lot of scrutiny because of the sheer number of muppets murdered to make this movie. In honor of these fallen, majestic creatures, drink every time you spot something fluffy.
Rule 5: As noted above, Cher falls in love with her step-brother. Every time you remember this detail and it grosses you out, even though it isn’t incest, take a drink. I know they don’t share a parent and Paul Rudd is a total babe, but it still gives me the willies.
*BONUS RULE* Every time there’s a make over scene (be it major, minor, or mental) in the movie, try and finish your drink before the makeover ends!
Final Verdict?: This game is best enjoyed with your best gal-pals. I recommend face masks and mani/pedis at the same time for the full effect.
5.) Dirty Dancing (1987, PG-13)
Why?: Baby is hands down one of the strongest female characters of all time. After all, no one puts her in the corner. Plus, it’s a quintessential 80’s film for any fan.
What?: It’s the 1960’s and Jennifer Grey plays Baby, a young girl who only wants to do good. She spends the summer at a resort with her affluent family and tears down class barriers while still finding time to work on her tan.
How?: Much like Clueless for the 90’s, this movie is a historical account of life in the 1960’s. These rules will both educate you and get you drunk.
Rule 1: Classism ran rampant in the 1960’s. Drink for every blatant example. Like, staff should NEVER mix with guests. Ever.
Rule 2: Much like today, the social rules of modesty have never applied to creative types. Every time you see a dancer’s underwear, take a drink. Wearing just a leotard totally counts towards this one.
Rule 3: In the 1960’s pretty, rich white girls had nothing to worry about. Drink to Baby’s optimism. She got A LOT done that summer… Joined the Peace Corps, paid for a friend’s abortion, destroyed classism… There is no way she could have done this if she had been a Negative Nancy.
Rule 4: Much like the butt stuff of today, in the 1960’s, all the dance moves revolved around smashing your pelvic region into your partner’s and backbends. Every time someone bends over backwards or bumps uglies, take a drink.
Rule 5: This has nothing to do with history, but take a drink every time you’re shocked by how large Baby’s sister’s breasts are. I had never noticed until someone pointed them out to me, but now I can’t NOT see them.
*BONUS RULE* Finish your drink during the final lift. No matter how full or how empty your cup, just do it. This scene is iconic. Honor it.
Final Verdict?: Regardless of how drunk you get, you will have fun with this movie. It’s a classic, it’s cheesy, it’s feel-good. However, if you DO get drunk, under no circumstances do I recommend trying these dance moves. Trust me.
So there you go! I’ve got your next five Saturday nights planned! Grab some friends, pop some corn, and settle in for some laughs. These games have been tried and tested and I can guarantee a time will be had. Remember, though, to always drink responsibly and drink plenty of water as well. If you’re exiting your drunk comfort zone, put the cup down. I mean, we’ve all seen Mean Girls and the damage too much drink can do.
Canonically, 23 year old Tyler hails from Fairbanks, AK. But as that is a pretty boring origin story, he prefers to tell people he’s a fabulous creature of the ocean, banished from the aquatic depths because all the other merfolk were hella jealous. Currently residing in South Korea, he one day hopes to work in fashion and entertainment. His guilty pleasures include overpriced cosmetics, trashy reality TV and B-List horror flicks and his top 3 films of all time are Showgirls, Mean Girls and Heathers. He can be found regularly avoiding responsibility at his Tumblr (cryface-larddick) or stalking drag queens on Twitter (TDziubinski)
Categories: Anything and Everything