STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS- 50 Shades of Grey: On twilight references, nice furniture and being tragic


Stream Of Consciousness is a segment dedicated to the mind ramblings we all have whilst watching movies.

Note: Foul language used throughout (sorry)

  • Curiosity killed the cat aka me, thankfully I haven’t paid to see this
  • I already FUCKING HATE Anastasia, all I can think of is that Anastasia movie not some alluring virginal goddess.
  •  Oh she fell over how fucking tragic
  • I hate him
  • Jamie Dornan looks like a 17 year old boy in a suit whose mum has just told him to shave off his pubic-hair-esque beard (why did they make him lose the beard he looks so much better with it and distracts from his annoying squinty eye).


  • Drinking game: Take a shot for every Twilight related statement or action
  • Girl, that floral shirt is doing nothing for you at all.


  • Fella ain’t being very colour co-ordinated with his cable tie choices.
  • ‘You’re a complete serial killer’ She didn’t even say that with the slightest bit of humour which is basically just your first pointer to RUN THE FUCK AWAY
  • She even dresses like Bella Swan, all brown and khaki with sad floral, Jeeeeeez I cannot hack this
  • Dull white brunette that loves reading with a dumb boy obsessed blonde friend. I’m genuinely disappointed that self-confessed feminist Sam Taylor-Johnson would even make this (I still have a thing against her regarding the whole Aaron Johnson thing and when he went through that weird facial hair phase).
  • Poor Anna lass has had like 1 bev* (*beverage of the alcoholic variety*) and is WRITTEN OFF* (*drunk*)
  • Why did she just scran* (*eat*) her toast in such a sexual manner, this is so weird please don’t tell me these kids have a food fetish
  • ‘Laters baby’. I’m crying literal tears of second-hand embarrassment,  my flatmates will vouch for this.
  • Tbh, John Tuckers boat was well nicer than his weird Helicopter
  • ‘I don’t make love, I fuck’. THIS IS GOLD.


  • ‘Surrender yourself to me’ ‘why would I do that?’ ‘to please me’ GET A FUCKING GRIP
  • ‘That’s her vagina he’s sniffing’ -my flatmate Seliyce weighs in on the current situation
  • The lass clearly has some form of sense I’ll give her that but he is SO emotionally manipulative
  • He barely even touches her and Niagara Falls appears in her knickers
  • As a hardcore Twilight fan these references are ridiculously obvious
  • Mr Grey is so fucked up and the definition of ‘privileged white boy with daddy issues’
  • He does however have some very nice furniture in his apartment.


By Chloe Leeson

CHLOEChloe Leeson is 19 and from the north of England (the proper north). She believes Harmony Korine is the future and is pretty sure she coined the term ‘selfie central’. She doesn’t like Pina Coladas or getting caught in the rain but she does like Ezra Miller & Dane DeHaan a whole lot. Her favourite films are The Beach, Lords of Dogtown and Into the Wild. But DON’T talk to her about Paranormal Activity. She rants @kawaiigoff.

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